


Herding Assistants

by Darth_Videtur



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Darth Plagueis - James Luceno, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: #PoorSate, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Hego No, Kinman No, M/M, Multi, Sheev is the only sane one, seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:48:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21773965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Videtur/pseuds/Darth_Videtur
Summary: Sheev has a very long night ahead of him.
Relationships: Hego Damask | Darth Plagueis/Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious, Kinman/Everything That Moves, Sate's Dreams, Tons of onesided
Comments: 33
Kudos: 26





	Herding Assistants

"What.... are you doing?" Sheev put his hands on his narrow hips and glared down, too far down. He had just walked into his apartment, expecting a nice quiet evening of political reports and blossom wine in front of his archaic Sith meditation stones. What he got was something entirely different, and entirely disappointing. 

Kinman looked up at him from the floor and wheezed, "Hi Sheev." 

"Palpatine," Sheev corrected, and sighed. "That was not an answer." 

Kinman thought hard. "Well... Lord Palpatine, I was trying to walk, and it wasn't working." 

"Just Palpatine," Sheev sighed again and stepped around his prone assistant into the luxurious apartment. He headed straight for the alcohol cabinet. "Did you finally misplace the last of your brain cells?" 

"No," Kinman hiccuped. "I keep a close eye on those, you know." He blinked blearily up. "I'm sorry about Sate, Just Palpatine." 

Sheev tensed instantly. "What happened to him?" 

"I might have spiked his drink," Kinman winced as Palpatine flicked the apartment lights on with his slender hand. Kinman tried to block the direct beam from his squinting eyes. "Because he always has the biggest stick up his ass you know. Well... you don't know, because you won't let him get anywhere near your ass with his ass, not that _I've_ gotten anywhere near his ass with my ass eith-" 

"Kinman! Focus." 

"Okay, yes.... I spiked his drink, and he miiiiight not be here." 

Sheev glared. He counted to ten in Ancient Sith and poured himself a tall glass of blossom wine, taking a long swig before trusting his voice. "Where did you abandon him in Coruscant this time?" 

"The 456th level, I think." Kinman thought some more. "Or maybe the 734th. There's an excellent little hole in the wall bar there, the Twileks are outrageously talented, you wouldn't believe what they were trying to do to-"

"Kinman." 

The other young Naboo's brows furrowed. "I might have actually forgotten him in the skycab." 

"So he could be anywhere." 

"Shavit, I forgot the Twileks in the skycab too. Knew I should have used those handcuffs when they offered..." 

Sheev pinched the bridge of his nose. "Kinman, you can't just leave Sate in Coruscant when he's drunk. You know how he gets." 

Kinman nodded solemnly, still horizontal on Sheev's apartment tile flooring. "I completely understand. He'll be proposing to every redhead on the street thinking it's you." 

"No, Kinman, but he's sensitive to alcohol." 

"That's what I sad." 

"Get up," Sheev growled. "We're going to find him. And you are carrying him back."

Kinman struggled to his feet and promptly crashed into Sheev's favorite potted flowering shuura fruit shrub. He groaned and dangled his head over the edge. 

"Not on my shrub, Kinman," Sheev started to warn, but the doorbell rang just then. Rolling his eyes and shoulders, he paced to the door and yanked it open. "Not interested, thank you - oh, Mast-Magister Damask!" 

Hego blinked down at him. The exceptionally tall businessmuun held out a crumpled shape by the ends of two long fingers, as though afraid to muss his hands. "Missing something, Senator?" 

Sheev stared. "Sate?" 

"...'d cross the starssss...." came the muffled, squishy reply. 

Hego sniffed in vague disdain. "While exploring a profitable business opportunity for Damask Holdings, I discovered your 'office assistant' attempting to challenge a Bithian bartender to a death duel for the honor of one Senator Palpatine. He was also threatening to 'sic some Sith' on them. I trust you know where to put this, to, ah, keep it quiet until it recovers its wits?" 

Kinman guffawed into the plant. Hego glanced at him, one beady eye twitching, long flat nose looking more pinched and sucked in than usual. 

"I question your choice of assistants at times, Senator," he rumbled. "You are fortunate that they are at least useful when sober." 

Sheev knew a threat when he heard one. Hego had no intention of letting Sate slip up like this again, especially if he were caught speaking of the Sith in public. But it wouldn't hurt his master if he never found out this happened before. Sheev nodded. "As I do, Magister. Thank you for returning this one to me. We have a great deal of senate work to do tonight." He reached out. 

Hego dropped Sate into his arms, and he nearly staggered under the reek of alcohol. Sate groaned. Sheev looked up. His Sith Master's eyes gleamed faintly golden with disapproval, and... amusement? _Oh Sithspit._

Sheev suddenly had a very bad feeling about all this. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think of this crackfic. I love reviews, ideas, suggestions, etc, for this kind of fic.


End file.
